It's one of those days that your mood goes up and down. Where your mind is racing at a pace of 100 mile per hour. Where you process everything at rapid speeds, and sort it all out... But if someone were to ask you what you were thinking about or how you are feeling... You wouldn't really know what to say.

It's one of those days that you miss people you shouldn't miss... Want things that you know are not good for you.... And question major aspects of your life.

It's one of those days where you have so much to be thankful for. But yet, you always find something that you feel is wrong with your life. Where you feel like something is missing.

It's one of those days that I get angry with myself for feeling this way. I feel selfish and embarrassed as to what my heart is saying..... They say that your heart never lies. But what truth is it speaking, that when you have listened to it in the past... all you had done is cry?

I am tired of feeling angry and bitter towards those that blackened my heart. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being selfish enough to wish heart ache and unhappiness on those that I feel have poisoned me. Becuase in a way, they are part of the reason that I have become stronger than who I was before they walked into my life. They are part of the reason that I "learned my lesson".

But how and when will I be willing to let go of that grudge?

Maybe I never fully will... I think that it's part of my personality. It's part of being a Picses. I adapt to all situations and feel what other's feel or have felt. I guess it's a blessing, and a burden all in one. Becuase I have that ability. But sometimes... In cases like this, I wish I didn't feel or see things the way others do. I wish I could see the truth more clearly.... Because right now, it's hard to seperate the truth from what I want. And sometimes what we want is not what we know is best for us.

cleanse this mess

Bottled up emotions,
Spilling from my pores.
Screaming to get out.
Much stronger than before.

So easy it was to love,
The one I now despise.
But how do you forget,
Or get over the pain and lies?

I am tired of fighting the anger,
That you bring upon my chest.
I just want to fully let you go.
And cleanse myself of this mess.

I hate the way you rolled your eyes,
And belittled my hopes and dreams.
I hate the way you reeled me in.
And tore my heart’s every seam.

I hate the way I trusted you,
To mend my broken heart.
I hate the way you made me feel,
Even from the very start.

I hate the way I was dumb enough,
To believe you’d one day see,
That all I wanted you to do,
Was whole-heartedly love me.

I hate the way I needed you,
Like an addict needs cocaine,
Taking anything I could from you,
Your emotions to fill my veins..

I hate the way I cried over you,
After I saw who you really were.
And tried to piece us back together,
When all along you were with her.

I hate the way I hate you,
Because even that gives you control,
And I will not be able to fully move on,
Until you have not control at all.

Too many tears have been shed,
Over the one who couldn’t see.
That all I needed you to do,
Was to accept me for me.

I am tired of fighting the anger,
That you bring upon my chest.
I just want to fully let you go.
And cleanse myself of this mess.