It's one of those days that your mood goes up and down. Where your mind is racing at a pace of 100 mile per hour. Where you process everything at rapid speeds, and sort it all out... But if someone were to ask you what you were thinking about or how you are feeling... You wouldn't really know what to say.

It's one of those days that you miss people you shouldn't miss... Want things that you know are not good for you.... And question major aspects of your life.

It's one of those days where you have so much to be thankful for. But yet, you always find something that you feel is wrong with your life. Where you feel like something is missing.

It's one of those days that I get angry with myself for feeling this way. I feel selfish and embarrassed as to what my heart is saying..... They say that your heart never lies. But what truth is it speaking, that when you have listened to it in the past... all you had done is cry?

I am tired of feeling angry and bitter towards those that blackened my heart. I am tired of feeling tired. I am tired of being selfish enough to wish heart ache and unhappiness on those that I feel have poisoned me. Becuase in a way, they are part of the reason that I have become stronger than who I was before they walked into my life. They are part of the reason that I "learned my lesson".

But how and when will I be willing to let go of that grudge?

Maybe I never fully will... I think that it's part of my personality. It's part of being a Picses. I adapt to all situations and feel what other's feel or have felt. I guess it's a blessing, and a burden all in one. Becuase I have that ability. But sometimes... In cases like this, I wish I didn't feel or see things the way others do. I wish I could see the truth more clearly.... Because right now, it's hard to seperate the truth from what I want. And sometimes what we want is not what we know is best for us.